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What will happen after Howard Stern?

Once upon a time the Radio industry had a nationally recognized personality that appealed to audiences under age 40.

His name was Howard Stern.

So Howard goes to Satellite Radio and here’s what happens next:

No problem, says Radio. Because we have many high-profile, nationally recognized talents with appeal to audiences under 40. We have lots of high-profile stars. We understand that passion is driven by personality, and that’s why we have invested so much time, effort, and money in building a fleet of well-known stars.

All you Stern stations can simply pick from our menu of top-drawer talents. Because, after all, it’s our commitment as broadcasters to build out the future of our industry and that future will be built on the backs of talent, not relentless blocks of uninterrupted music.

We would be foolish not to be prepared for a future where we will be attacked by iPods and broadband wireless Internet and Satellite Radio, where they will mimic all of our programming which can be mimicked and steal any of our talents who aren’t under contract. That would be foolish.

Thank God we have so many high-profile nationally recognized personalities in Radio that appeal to the under-40 demo. And thank God we keep growing more. Hollywood is full of funny people and we plan to have as many of them as possible on our air. Because that way, we will always own valuable product that competitors can’t copy or steal.

Yes, we’re ready for the future, says Radio.

In this fairy tale, anyway.

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